Clearly, I’m not going to reach my goal of posting every day… mostly ‘cause I stubbornly refuse to pay for Internet access when WIFI can be found for free. I’ve been compiling stories for a few days. Here’s the first installment. More soon!

Love & bruises from Cincinnati, Melicious

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Holy cow! It’s been a week since my book signing at BookPeople in awesome Austin.

I have to give props to the BookPeople staff who dubbed themselves “Team Success” (except for one rabble-rouser who, like a true Rollergirl, wore a “Success Team t-shirt instead) and sported their Derby names on the back of their shirts: Hermione Danger, Blackhole Joel, and B-Dawg.

I was ridiculously nervous about doing my reading for an audience of Texas Rollergirls, our fans, and my best pals in the world. It’s surreal reading my book aloud to strangers, and the idea of exposing myself that way to my near-and-dear was more intimidating than facing down Slim Kickins on the track. But, just as D the B predicted, it was really, really, really fun. Some of my favorite faces in the world were in the audience: bandmates, Texas Rollergirls, Derby fans, kickass TXRG crew, my neighbors… it was like a family reunion. And Rice Rocket – still tired from the exertion of the Dust Devil – and RadioActive – one of our kickass new Hotrod Honeys and host of “Now Playing Austin” on KOOP – gamely skated around the second floor of the store and demonstrated some Derby basics—without knocking over bookshelves or breaking any glass display cases.

The 60 or so hours between signing the last copy of Rollergirl at BookPeople and boarding the American Airlines flight to Chicago was a mad scramble of last-minute planning, cleaning up work details, frantic shopping, and hastily-typed emails. And despite plans to watch Jane Eyre on the flight, I slept from take-off to touch-down.

Chicago was just as blustery and cold as I’d hoped. I loved the wind stinging my face as D the B and I loaded our gear into the rental car— it was a welcome change from the humid 80-degrees we left behind in Austin. My enthusiasm for winter weather would come back to haunt me soon, but the first few hours in Chicagoland were all potential, and I was very wound up.

Our first official stop on ROLLERGIRL: THE MIDWEST BOOK TOUR was the Five Star Bar with the Windy City Rollers - and to get there, we had to take the subway. I know it’s a weird thing to like, but I love love love riding subways. I like watching the people and making up stories about who they are and where they’re going - and living my own music video in my head by making up stories about who I might be and where I might be going. Other people are merely riding the train to work, but I know we’re actually rocketing behind enemy lines to intercept a secret communique. So, yeah, I enjoyed my ride from Chinatown to the Five Star Bar. And when we got to the bar… Rollergirls! Broken Cherry and Annie Maim and Dayglo Dego and Dina Discipline and Riley Coyote and Sixteen Scandals and Honey Badger and Ada Hatelace and Sister Sledgehammer and Belle Diablo… and their fans and friends.

Broken Cherry is a badass!

Just inside the front door, a table was stacked with copies of Rollergirl and was hosted by reps from Barbara’s Books: my new BFFs Carla and Shannon, who turned out to be the coolest booksellers ever. We had cocktails, ate guacamole and chips, talked about manga and anime… and when Dina Discipline started spanking spectators for a mere $2 donation, Shannon was first in line (a man after my heart, for sure!) I eventually succumbed to the peer pressure and climbed up on the bar for my turn with Dina’s paddle.

Wow! I’d watched her on the wind-up but didn’t realize how much that swat was going to hurt. It was shocking. Shocking! Then my right cheek stung… for, like, 20 minutes. Then the stinging morphed into a slow burn that eventually felt like I was standing in front of a radiator. That Dina, she sure knows how to dish out the discipline! On the up side, according to her, that swat absolved me of any number of past indiscretions. Sweet!

Speaking of sweet… I finally met my myspace pal Chauncey (I call ‘im chocolate)! It was weird-familiar… his conversation sounded just like his writing, and there he was… in person! Just like his photos only 3-D and interactive. And later, some of the skaters from Ft. Wayne Roller Derby showed up to have a beer with the “enemy” before their bout on Saturday night. I met another contender for Derby crush: Minx, a smart, beautiful, sassy, charming Ft. Wayne skater.

Eventually, all takers had been spanked, the remaining copies of Rollergirl had been packed up, and I’d reached my self-imposed 2-beer drink limit. The subway and I had our first lovers’ quarrel on the ride home. Only one track was in use at 12:15 a.m., and my train left me sitting on the tracks – cold, tired, unmoving – for 30 minutes, then switched my train from a local to an express before unceremoniously dumping me at the station for a 40-minute wait for the next train south. But all was forgiven when the train finally showed up and whisked me safely back to Chinatown.

When I woke up at 8:00 Saturday morning to feed the meter, it was markedly colder and the forecast was looking grim. It was predicted that at 5:00 p.m., snow and sleet would fall from the sky over Chicago. Our carefully-calibrated schedule required us to leave Chicago after the bout that night. At 10:00 p.m., we had to be on the road to Davenport, Iowa, if we had a prayer of making it to Kansas City, Missouri, in time for my 7:00 p.m. signing with the Kansas City Roller Warriors.

But in the 12 hours before we hit the interstate, there was a visit to the Museum of Science and Industry, a magazine interview, a Roller Derby bout, and a quest for one of the famous “Sandwiches You Will Like” sammies: an Italian beef from Al’s #1.

[The skinny on the delicious sandwiches; the Museum of Science and Industry; the Windy City vs. Ft. Wayne bout; the snowstorm; the Hyatt at Union Station in St. Louis; Molly, the coolest 11-year-old in the world; and my adventures with the Arch Rival Rollergirls coming soon… must get some beauty sleep before our drive to Cleveland tomorrow. My parents are coming in from Pennsylvania for the signing!]