[As I write this, I’m actively fighting to avoid eating a donut with bright pink frosting and mini chocolate chips sprinkled on the top at the continental breakfast here at our hotel in Tucson. I’m pretty sure the damn thing just whispered my name.]

Things I learned on the seemingly endless drive from Phoenix to Tucson:

1. The students at Arizona State University are total squares and have apparently never before seen a girl with pink hair and tattoos.

2. Cap’n Crunch Peanut Butter cereal topped with sliced banana and a little bit of chocolate sauce is really, really, really good, but it might make your head buzz.

3. Twenty boxes of Rollergirl will indeed fit in the trunk of a Ford Taurus, but it really messes with the feel of the brakes.

4. As an employee of the Arizona State Department of Corrections, you could earn a starting annual salary of $38,742, plus benefits. I garnered this new bit of knowledge off the back of a Corrections Department bus, traveling east on I-10. I saw an orange jumpsuit through the window.

5. Despite valiant attempts, I cannot write postcards while riding in the car. The possibility of typing while riding has yet to be explored.

6. The entrance to a time-stretching portal can be found on I-10 East.

7. Uncle Kracker is underrated as a songwriter and singer.

8. A 20-oz. cup of gas station coffee becomes perfection when doctored with 4 creamers, a dash of French Vanilla creamer, and 3 Sweet & Low packets. It also makes me really want to tap things with a pen.

9. The Rush song “Tom Sawyer”is more awesome than you remember. (Unless you’re Erin.)

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The first person I saw when I pulled into the Bladeword parking lot was the fantastic Lucille Brawl.. then Belle Starr, Ivanna S. Pankin, my buddy Brandon, Tomcat… I could go on and on. It’s like a family reunion.

I’d intended to sell books during the breaks between the bouts, but from 3:30 p.m. until the middle of the last game at 9:30 p.m., I never sat down or put down my Sharpie. I met so many kickass Rollergirls ( Val Capone is my new Derby crush), enjoyed being smushed in Rollergirl hugs, and heard - but didn’t see - a record-breaking 19-point jam.

I am clearly not going to be a good chronicler of the Dust Devil this year. But there are great online resources to get the scoop, and I recommend you check them out to get the play-by-play:

All Bout Derby on myspace

LeadJammer.com